Tawfiq Chahboune


The civilised world did not stand in silence for two minutes to remember the victims of the barbaric terrorist attacks of four British men. The seemingly normal men, born, bred and educated in the land of fair play and buttered scones, were in truth planning devastating murderous attacks on innocent people. The evil murderers masqueraded as decent law-abiding British subjects until it was time to launch their fanatical assaults on people going about their ordinary lives. With their whole lives ahead of them, these university educated men who loved sport - one is said to have played keepy-uppy with Kevin Keegan - inexplicably turned to extremism in order to further their “evil ideology”. It came as a shock to all that they would become fanatics. The four - known as Blair, Straw, Hoon and Reid - came from respectable homes, and the violent Reid sees himself as an intellectual of some repute, though no one else thinks so. Neighbours were dumbfounded that such well-mannered and well-dressed Christians would bring devastation on innocent people in the Middle East. Although one neighbour of the British terrorist cell leader was damning, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’ve never trusted him. Having said that, I didn’t think Tony had the time. What with being at it five times a night with his wife. But you know what they say about fanatics like him? They’re all sex mad. A part of their culture and religion. The way he treats his wife! But that’s what they’re like. Evil. Wicked,” said his neighbour, Mr Brown.


The Christian community quickly condemned the savagery of these men. The leaders of the Christian “community” are, nevertheless, said to be “out of touch” with this radical fringe. Religious leaders from across the country joined together to defend the peaceful religion of Christianity. They pleaded that Christians as a whole should not be held accountable or attacked because of the lunacy of a handful. An Imam with a hook for a hand was categorical: “Christianity is a religion of tolerance and peace. The vast majority of Christians are decent, peaceful people and have nothing whatever to do with these madmen.” A Christian leader known only as the Pope said, “No one seems to know what these extremists are planning.” He continued, “We do our best and try to reason with those we think might be susceptible, but we can’t be everywhere. There seems to be a lot of anger in the Christian community. But the terrorists use this anger for their own ends. They’ve been brainwashed by a gang of extremists. We know who the leaders are and where they are. They preach openly from a big white house in Washington, D.C. The leader’s name is Bush and he claims to hear God’s voice. His deputy is said to be even more fanatical, who to this day still claims that Nelson Mandela is a terrorist. They make videos and audiotapes which appear on the internet. This cult is giving Christianity a very bad name.” The Archbishop of Canterbury apologised on behalf of his Church, the Church of England, to the Islamic world for the suffering inflicted on it by a member of his own flock.


This, however, was deemed too little, too late by the people of the Middle East, who have seen millions die at Christian hands. Almost all were receptive to discussing the root causes of Christian fanaticism, but some were more vehement in their denunciations.  “It is not enough to keep telling us that Christianity has nothing to do with it. It is a religion of hate. Jesus Christ himself was a violent man and full of venomous rhetoric. Look at what he did to peaceful traders going about their business in the temple. His constant rabblerousing propaganda, filled with hate, made life very difficult for the Roman authorities. These Christians are constantly spewing out hate. In Arabic they say one thing to us, but in English they say another. They talk about democracy to their electorates, but sell weapons to Middle East dictators and overthrow our democracies, which is, in any case, a decadent Western form of government. Their media directs its poison at the Islamic world. It never looks at itself. Have you seen SKY News or the BBC? Read the Telegraph and the Times and then tell me they don’t hate us for who we are and our values. They hate us for who we are, not any so-called terror. They must root out the extremists from within their midst,” said the one-legged Mr Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, allegedly a victim of Western terror.


“There is no excuse for what they are doing,”


“There is no excuse for what they are doing,” said a Mr Osama bin Laden, whose whereabouts he did not disclose. “We all feel the world isn’t listening to legitimate grievances, but to turn to violence is not the solution. But that is only the excuse. In fact, had it not been for 9/11 or the manufactured nexus between Iraq and Al Qaeda or WMD these four men would have found other excuses. They support despots, sell billions of dollars of weapons to tyrants who then use these weapons to massacre their own people, steal our oil, build military bases in geostrategically important areas, are behind the colonisation of Palestine, yet talk about freedom. We’re not fools. You know, it used to be so different not so long ago. We had good relations when our so-called terror was directed at the Left, liberal Muslims, and other deviants. Those gold old days when we massacred millions and your media lauded us as freedom fighters are sadly gone. You never know, maybe they will return,” he said.


He ended, “All civilised people must come together and defeat this evil ideology. If you’re not with us you’re with the barbarians. To say that their attacks are self-defence is clearly absurd. They were murdering innocent people in the Middle East, supplying chemical weapons to the infidel Saddam Hussein and organising coups long before 9/11 or the supposed apocalyptic threat from Iraq. The civilised world is under attack from an evil ideology. The so-called ‘causes’ of Western terrorism - what they self-servingly refer to as defending civilisation - are nothing but excuses for imperialism. The excuses have to stop. It is astonishing that you blame our actions for your violence! You can’t see the truth because the media is full of useful idiots like Johann Hari, David Aaronovitch, Tony Parsons and Melanie Phillips. And David Goodhart, Mark Steyn and Timothy Garton-Ash. Not forgetting Julie Burchill, Polly Toynbee, Martin Kettle, Michael Gove, Janet Daley, Andrew Neil, Richard Littlejohn, Trevor Kavanagh, Amanda Platell, Julia Hartley-Brewer... All of them taking briefings from Alastair Campbell, a former prostitute. You’ve a lot of ‘useful idiots’ in your midst making excuses and rationalising violence. Just shows how long this war will continue. It may take decades to root out this ideology. But this war has to be fought and won. In the meantime we’ll probably see more terror attacks. I don’t blame Christianity as such, but you have to look within yourselves and ask ‘Why is this happening?’ It’s time for some soul searching.”